A subject that is very close to home with me, are children. Growing up in an LDS family. Family is a subject that is touched on frequently. We are taught our entire lives about how important growing up and having a family of our own is. We as women are built with an inner hunger for a baby of our own aka. Baby hungry. But what happens when you either struggle with pregnancy or just plain can't have them. No one prepares you for that lose and hole that it creates in your heart. Being a woman and having this problem makes you feel broken and helpless. Yes talking about it helps, filling your lives with other activity's, a wonderful husband and of course chocolate help. But filling that hole is very hard and seems to hit you hard at times. Making even sitting in church hard, seeing all those children and other pregnant women. Then getting on Facebook and reading or seeing your girlfriends post "a we're pregnant, monthly prego photos, ultrasounds, baby showers, baby's birth announcement, baby's blessing day, I could go on and on. Oh course I am happy and delighted for these people, but also feel like Eeyore with a rain cloud following me.
There have been times where I don't feel like I belong because I have never been admitted into that mom club. I face this even as a blogger. There are so many bloggers out there and the percentage of the ones that have kids and have kid related posts are high. There are times when an event comes up or opportunity and because it is kid related I can't participate or feel very reluctant about joining. I know that people aren't being malicious towards me, but they also don't understand my position in the matter. You always get comments such as "don't worry it will happen". We'll gosh dang it they don't know that it will happen. At the same time I can't really tell you how I would want them to respond.
That's life I guess.
Rambling of Carrie
I've been there! There is no easy answer, and yes, you do feel awful, excluded and alone. I wish I had better words except trust in God. His plan is always the best, if not the easiest. I have two children now, and although the road to bring them into this world was excruciating, I can look back and see how today that pain makes me a better, more passionate, more appreciative mother. But don't let anyone tell you to just relax, that's BS.
ReplyDeleteYou need a pet Sugar Glider. LOL Then you could bring it everywhere! LOL Love you Carrie....I told you let me have one more baby and then I will surrogate one for you! Love your Sister Shauna
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